You’re Not Their Friend.

Leadership Lifeline is a segment where I provide insight and practical advice to your most pressing leadership challenges, helping you navigate leadership in your personal and professional life. 

I have a colleague who would rather be popular and friends with his staff, which is creating issues because KPI‘s are not being met because he won't manage his team and have tough conversations. It’s making my job difficult and is creating resentment amongst other managers, because we’re having to pick up the slack and performance manage his staff for him. How do I navigate this?   

Many of us could relate to your colleague – we want to be liked at work. It feels good. However, if it is your primary motivation it can lead to artificial harmony and a lack of accountability and performance, which is exactly what’s occurring in your workplace.

When stepping up into a leadership role, it can be tough to make the unpopular decision or have the difficult conversation but it comes with the gig. So, what can you do to help your colleague and yourself in this situation?

Strengthen the relationship – take active steps to build greater trust with your colleague, ask more questions generally of them, actively listen to them and make deposits in your relationship. Find out what’s really going on for them. Until they feel listened to and understood by you, you’ve got no chance of giving them feedback or influencing them.

Have an open and honest conversation with them (only after you’ve built enough trust). Express your observations and concerns about the team (clear examples) and the impact it’s having. Hold the space for them to respond. Seek to understand their perspective and explore ways to collaborate on addressing the issue.

This may work or it may not. You might get denial or blame. That’s ok. You can influence but you can’t control. So, finally…

Stop rescuing. This can be tough, I know! However, if you keep picking up the slack for your colleague’s team, there is no consequence to them. At the moment, there’s no problem for him because the KPIs are still being met, but they’re being met by you and others. Let the team stand alone - support, encourage, coach but don’t do. It's tough, but this week's quote speaks exactly to this.

To rescue people from the natural consequences of their behaviour is to render them powerless.