My Trust Is Completely Broken

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I’ve recently been dealing with the fall out of an incident with a colleague, where they attempted to report me to upper management for something completely unfounded and untrue. This was cleared very quickly and they retracted it the next day, however this has quite significantly damaged our relationship and broken my trust. With an internal restructure on the horizon (about July), I will become this person’s direct manager. I’ve heard from others that they’re very embarrassed and regretful about the incident, but won’t talk to me and avoids me at all costs. I’m upset, uncomfortable and angry that they did this, and after realising they made a huge mistake, still won’t talk to me about it. How do I move forward knowing that I’m going to be their manager??

Ouch… this situation can be incredibly challenging when the trust in a relationship is compromised.

While it's natural for you to feel upset, uncomfortable, and angry, it's essential to do your best to deal with all these emotions constructively. Even more so, in your situation, when you’re going to be their boss.

It’s time to focus on what you can do as a leader to restore the trust in this relationship.

Here’s some of my suggestions:

Always start with yourself (my golden rule of leadership). What do you want moving forward? Did you in any way contribute to the situation? Maybe not from what you’ve told me. Is it worth restoring trust with this colleague?

Start a conversation with this person. Demonstrate respect and share your intention moving forward.

Explain how you feel and confront reality. Then LISTEN. Really step into empathy and understand what the other person has to say. They may not have a lot of say, they may be embarrassed, they may blame or deny. All of these are normal human responses. Don’t react, just listen and then explain your point of view. Consideration and then Courage.

Time then to move on - clarify expectations moving forward. Make commitments to each other.

Foster open communication with this person and across the whole team to mitigate future conflicts.

Forgive and allow this person to behave themselves out of the problem they behaved themselves into.