Help, My Boss is a Narcissist
Each week, I provide insightful solutions and practical advice to your most pressing leadership challenges, helping you navigate leadership in your personal and professional life.
My higher up is a textbook narcissist – he thinks he’s the best thing on the planet and cannot handle a hint of criticism. It's super frustrating, and it's starting to mess with the team. We're struggling to keep the workflow smooth and it's affecting how we all work together. I'm all for keeping things positive and getting the job done, but I'm at a loss about how to deal with him.
Oh boy…a tough one. The narcissistic boss can be extremely challenging. Before we jump into strategies, let’s describe the common traits of someone with Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
Grandiose sense of self-importance
Exaggerate or outright lie about their achievements and talents
Think they are always right
Believe the rules don’t apply to them
Incapable of admitting mistakes and blame others
Obsessive craving for affirmation
Lack of empathy
Take advantage of others to achieve their own goals
Frequently demeans, intimidates, bullies, or belittles others
So, what to do if you find yourself working for someone with this disorder or displaying some of these personality traits?
Here are my top strategies:
Set boundaries: Be clear on acceptable behaviour in the office and make sure your role and responsibilities are clearly defined.
Document everything: Keep a record of your interactions, decisions, and communications. Be sure to maintain a professional and factual tone in your documentation.
Avoid unnecessary confrontations and stay calm: Select specific issues that are crucial to be addressed and let go of any minor issues. Strive to understand your boss's perspective without necessarily agreeing with it. This can help diffuse tension.
Stay positive: When presenting ideas or suggestions, frame them in a positive light and how they can contribute to your boss’s success. Find ways to highlight the positive aspects of your boss’s contributions, even when you’re expressing concerns.
Finally and most importantly, take care of yourself. If the situation starts impacting your well-being, seek professional advice from HR or a higher-level leader. Get some further guidance to help.
Managing this type of a relationship with a narcissistic boss requires a delicate balance between maintaining professionalism and protecting yourself. Tailor these strategies to the specific context of your workplace and consider seeking external support if necessary. Good luck!